take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
