omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He better not be in your backpack
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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