i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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