He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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