i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i think im in europe. pls send help
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