his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
