He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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