i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i would punch a child for taco bell
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
