need another drink. this is the easiest way
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.