this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.