Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
