God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
being pregnant is like rehab
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?