I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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