I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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