Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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