You're my little dorito
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
