ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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