If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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