I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
