I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
