they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
