The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
