Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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