It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
