I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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