i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
