This dress was meant to end up on your floor
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
