somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
