We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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