That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
