there's paper in my vomit.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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