check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
