I accidentally had phone sex last night
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
