in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
