she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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