She is in my trunk
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
