saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
