I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
