do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Vodka?
Forever.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
