I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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