i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
