I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
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I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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