this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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