my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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