Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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