If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
