I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Even my vagina gasped.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
