I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
