i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
