TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Houston, we have a blender
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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