I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
two words: eviction party
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
