i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
