My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
