im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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