somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
