I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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