So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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