i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
