You're completely useless in the revolution.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
