my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
