I'm eating all of the evidence.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize