I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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