I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
