i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
