Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
