just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
