Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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